Zombie Down

The other day, I realized that I’d been locked in my office all day since the minute my husband walked in the door. (It’s called deadlines, people. Stop judging.) And Hubs tends to be all “I miss you, I haven’t seen you in forever, is our marriage a sham?” when we go days without acknowledging each other. So I made the brave—some might say romantic—gesture to go out there and see what he was watching on TV and try to bond with him.

He was watching The Walking Dead. Which is a show on some channel that I would rather eat grass than watch. But he insists this show is fantastic. So I figured…what the hell. I love the guy most days, I’ll sit down and endure. Persevere. Soldier on. What doesn’t kill you…

Apparently turns you into a zombie. Now, I only caught the last 20 minutes or so. And there weren’t any zombies in that. I spent most of the time asking “Who is that?” and “Are they having a lesbian affair?” (The answers were “shush” and “I hate you,” just in case you were curious.) So I didn’t actually have to look at zombies most of the time…other than commercials for the next week’s episode. And every so often, I would have to ask him a question that was a legit zombie-related question. You know, trying to be interested.

Things like … How do you kill a zombie? Do they grow back limbs? How bad do you think they smell? Zombies are so unclean. (Not a question, but a valid point.) Can they make a zombie puppy? Are zombies all over the world or just in their town?

This apparently pissed Hubs off. He finally burst out with “Don’t you know ANYTHING about zombies? How can you be so ignorant about this? What the HELL?!”

I stared at him a moment, then reminded him I don’t watch scary movies. So why would I know any of this?

“It’s common knowledge, so I don’t know how you don’t know any of this stuff.”

I blinked. Repeatedly. Finally found my breath, and asked, “I’m sorry. How is this common knowledge? Did they have a Zombie Specials in fourth grade? Like, P.E., Art, Music, Zombie Awareness?” Were there Zombie Drills mixed in with fire and tornado drills?

Yes, he replies. That’s exactly how he learned everything about zombies. It was all from his fine public school education.

It was then I informed him that if we ever moved back to our hometown, our daughter would not be attending his school district. Because that’s just sketch. And also, this was the end of our forced bonding time. We do much better when our bonding grows out of more organic, natural situations. Like…deployments.

So, the question is…do YOU know how to stop a zombie? Cause I still don’t.

Also, this week I’m the guest blogger on Ju Dimello’s blog, and I’m giving away a signed copy of my first paperback, Come Together. Go over, comment, and see if you win! Freebie time!

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KJ Reed is an erotic romance author with a thing about zombies. A bad thing. As in, keep them away from her. They look like they smell. She can be found, avoiding zombies, at her website: www.authorkjreed.com or talking about all things non-un-dead on Twitter: @authorKJReed.

Tags: bonding, husband zombie expert, Zombie Awareness, zombies